Self-Improvement
Self-Improvement is not a dirty word and it doesn’t have to mean arduous years of hard work either.
Life is a journey and sometimes it’s brilliant and we’re on a high.
Everything’s going our way.
Other times it’s not.
It’s tough.
But try to look at those challenging times as opportunities to learn more about yourself and grow.
Don’t view self-improvement from a negative lens, as something that needs to be done because you’re thinking:
I’m broken
And then spend years obsessing over the next self-help guru, the next self-improvement book and then the next ones and the next.
In a desperate means to keep trying to patch up the flaws in yourself.
I remember when I was in high school there was a real trend for people to go into these self-help programs.
They were the type of ones that broke people down.
Really shattered them so that they could rebuild them again.
They were all saying to me:
you’ve got to come along and join!
It’s amazing!
That’s great if it works for them.
But you need to also tread your own path.
Spiritual growth
Take a really positive attitude to self-improvement as a Spiritual MOT that allows you to grow.
You don’t necessarily have to go and do these self-help guru courses that break you and claim that they’re going to fix you.
Or bog yourself down for the rest of your life in self-help books.
You can start with a simple personal development plan for spiritual growth right now.
Just really simple steps.
Be honest with yourself and do an appraisal of where you are right now.
One way to do this is to look at all the other people around you and see what it is that annoys you most about them.
Often what really irritates us in other people is something is actually is a flaw within ourselves.
For example, I know someone who is a bit of a control freak and they go on and on about another person, complaining about what a control freak she is.
There I am thinking:
Pot, meet kettle!
I’m guilty of that myself.
I’ve become irritated by other people in the past over something that I’m absolutely certain was just mirroring myself back to me.
Personal development
Try to have self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses.
What are the great parts of you that are really good?
What are those areas that could do with a little improving?
That’s a good way to start.
If you’re going through emotions and feelings right now listen to them.
Self-improvement is about getting in touch with yourself.
It doesn’t surprise me that so many of you write to me each day saying:
I’ve lost me. I don’t know who I am anymore.
I said that to myself once when I was in the midst of an abusive relationship.
Who am I?
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I’ve lost me.
Quite often that’s because we’re putting others needs first above and at the expense of our own.
Or prioritizing other things that come first before ourselves.
We’ve numbed ourselves with overwork, comfort eating, dysfunctional relationships, alcohol or other things that dull the pain.
So, we’re not very good at feeling emotions anymore or trust our gut instincts.
Getting in touch with those feelings again and not being frightened of them is key.
Listening to them and what are they telling us.
Listen to your inner voice.
What’s it telling you?
The answers are all there inside you if you just listen.
Ask yourself:
What do I need to improve upon?
How can I take my power back?
Then do what’s right for you at the time.
Ignore others who are saying you must do X or Y because it’s going to change your life.
If they say this book is incredible, but you read it and it doesn’t quite work for you then put it down.
Just look at what works for you at this moment.
Personal growth
Yes, you could read a self-help book if that works to address a particular weakness or flaw you identify in you.
But don’t read it thinking:
I’m flawed, I’m broken and I need fixing.
Or stress over it fearing:
I can’t live up to this program or this book.
I’m a failure because I can’t keep this up.
Just take the parts that you need at the moment and the things that work for you now and leave the rest.
Healing is a work in progress and a journey.
I always say:
When the student is ready the teacher comes.
Get back in touch with your emotions and feelings and go back to connecting with your gut.
Your gut instincts tell you everything you need to know.
It stirs uncomfortable feelings up within us.
And those are usually the things we need to work on.
Or the red flags we need to take heed of and not ignore.
So, self-improvement is just about getting back in touch with who you are and listening to your instincts.
Then take what you like from self-help gurus or books.
In a positive frame of mind that you are using this as an opportunity to grow and not beat yourself over the head with it.
Don’t wallow in a fear of failure that you’re never going to achieve that incredible life they’re espousing.
Just take small steps to grow little by little.
Principles of self-improvement
Principles of self-improvement are things like calling out your inner voice when it’s not helping you.
Or when it’s sabotaging your confidence or getting in your way.
Call it out.
Tell it:
That’s not true.
That’s a limiting belief and I don’t have to believe this because I’m not stupid, unlovable, unworthy or hopeless in my job.
I may feel like a bit of a fraud but it doesn’t mean I am one.
It may be self-care in other areas of your life because self-improvement isn’t just about spiritual growth it’s also about physical health.
Start going out for a walk every day.
For me, running is a really great thing for my self-improvement because when I am stronger my mind is better.
Self-development
It can also be about nurturing and nourishing your mind, body, and soul.
Like stretching yourself, challenging yourself to go and see films, read books, listen to podcasts.
Whatever stretches you intellectually and excites you to learn more about the world and humanity.
TED talks are amazing at doing that.
It might be letting go of friends who are not enhancing you but draining you of all your energy.
Leaning on you too heavily and then saying:
Thanks I feel great now!
That’s fine if it’s improving their life not if it’s not enhancing yours!
It might be limiting your exposure to family members and dysfunctional dynamics.
They don’t necessarily have to be toxic.
Sometimes you just press each other’s buttons and that takes you back to your childhood.
You go ten steps backward in your life.
So, it might be you need to limit that sort of exposure for a while.
These are some simple self-improvement ideas that you can do now to change your life.
Self-development doesn’t have to be about years of therapy alone.
It also doesn’t have to be a quick fix and you feel that you’ve failed if you haven’t dramatically changed.
It’s just about seeing every challenge in life as an exciting new opportunity to grow.
Getting back in touch with your feelings your gut instincts.
Observing them and not avoiding them.
Rather, admitting you have some flaws, but that’s okay.
You were born perfect.
But it takes time to fully develop and grow.
It’s a step by step process.
Learn what you need to, then be proud of yourself for each little improvement you make along the way.
When you’re ready, take the next step and then the next.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
If self-care for someone you know means becoming a gym buddy and going to five classes a day, but it’s not you, that’s okay.
You haven’t failed.
I hate the gym.
But I found that running works for me.
Find things that work for you and improve your life that way.
Something that works and you will stick at.
Don’t try to forge somebody else’s path or try to become like them.
Go on your own journey. Your life is unique to you.
Don’t fear self-development as though it’s a dirty word.
Don’t equate it with being broken or a failure.
Try not to use it as a mechanism to stay stuck in a victim mentality either.
Use self-help books or gurus to offer wisdom and guidance.
But, as I said, take what you like and leave the rest.
Create your own personal journey toward personal growth.
Only you know what that is.
Only you know what the emotions and feelings are stirring in you and what your gut is telling you.
If you’re really honest with yourself, you know the areas that you can improve on.
You know what you need to do.
That may be just accepting you don’t have to be strong all the time.
It’s okay to reach out to trusted family members and friends and asking for help.
It might be choosing today not to procrastinate anymore.
The day you start to write a list of the steps you can take towards being a better you and creating a greater life than you are right now.
Or it may be finding stillness within yourself so you can heed your gut when it’s telling you which is the right direction to head in.
Be your own guru.
Be your own mentor and guide and most importantly, friend.
What would you say to a friend who comes to you for advice?
They’re usually presenting the answers to themselves.
They just need you as a sounding board and to give them the assurance that those answers are correct.
It is within you.
Spiritual growth is possible.
Don’t fear it.
Embrace it in a really empowering way.
Not in a way that makes you feel like you’ve failed.
You haven’t.
Each step is just another step to becoming the most amazing you possible.
The person you were born to be.
You just haven’t reached that potential yet but it’s there for you to grab it.
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