How to find the perfect match

The perfect match?  My first marriage wasn’t!

After I left my violent Ex, I became a young, single mother.  One sunny Sunday afternoon, some time later, I was at a BBQ at my sister’s place.  All of my siblings were there – four of us sisters in all.

We were a little bit drunk on Sangria when I lamented that I was already on the shelf with a baby, at the tender age of 23! My second sister said she had just the answer. A guy from her work who had recently split up with his long-term girlfriend.

The scene then descended into what I imagine happens in arranged marriages.  My other sisters grilled her: ‘what job did he have?’ ‘Ah!’ – tick.  ‘Where did he live?’ ‘Mmmm!’– tick. ‘What car did he drive?’ ‘Oh yes!’ – tick, tick!  And so on and so on.  They were trying to ensure that whoever came next could offer me security.  And not be another ‘Loser’ in my life.

‘He must be ugly then!’ I said, to which sister No. 2 produced the only photograph she had of him.  It was a photo of him at their office Christmas party, after he’d had a few drinks. In it, he was scrunching his face, pulling his cheeks out with two fingers and sticking out his tongue. It was impossible to tell.  In fact he sort of looked a little like my other sister’s gay Hairdresser friend. ‘Nice tongue’ my brother-in-law then chipped in, ‘no gunge on it!’ …ummm, tick?

Sister No. 2 then decided she would hold a dinner party. She would invite him (aka lure him) into this trap.  My sisters also made a ridiculous pact. We would only ever tell this poor unsuspecting guy that he was right-royally set up, on our wedding day.  And I then forgot all about it.

Weeks later my sister phoned me to say that the dinner party was happening.  ‘What dinner party’? I said.  ‘The one where I set you up with that guy from work’, to which I responded with horror, ‘Are you serious?  It was just a joke!’

But with my new-found ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be’ attitude, I turned up on the night. Only for my sister to declare: ‘there’s a Spanner in the Works! The guy, oblivious to what he was walking into, had phoned to say he and his Ex-Girlfriend were on their way (I think he had been expected to bring a +1).

‘Who cares?’ I said,  ‘I’ve never even met the guy!’  My sister maneuvered it anyway.  His Ex was placed at the far end of the table and I was sat next to him.   I did secretly think though: ‘good friends with his ex-girlfriend’ – tick!

To cut a long story short, we got on like a house on fire.  It turns out this guy was meant to be and is pretty much my perfect man.  So well done to Sister No. 2 on that front!

But anyone can find the right guy (or girl).  You just need to ask:

• • Is this person good enough for me?

• • Does this person bring out the best in me and me in them?

• • Do I LIKE them (not just love them)? Do they have a lot in common with me (values, goals, beliefs)?
  • Do they make me laugh?

If all the above are yes, then you stand a good chance.

I am also lucky to have found out what true love means.  It’s a verb – a doing word – not a noun.  If you love someone, you show them – you don’t just say it as an empty, meaningless word. And that love is unconditional and it definitely shouldn’t hurt.

We’re still going strong nearly 30 years later. He did get a bit of a shock though, on our wedding day, when my brother-in-law made a speech and revealed my sisters’ secret pact! ‘That’s bollocks!’, my husband said, then looked at me confused. He had no idea he’d been set up! And was probably more amazed, that four women were able to keep their silence for so long!

If you were arranging a match, what questions would you ask?  Let me know in the Comments below.