Recently, a man I’ve met only once sent me a song and a beautiful message to go with it.
It touched me so much I want to share it with you.
He said he wanted me to know that my videos and posts help men as much as women as they resonate with him.
He told me he lost his hair in his twenties through stress and inner shame about his sexuality.
He grew up never feeling good enough.
He’s not alone.
This fear you’re not good enough isn’t owned by any gender.
It affects so many of us and manifests itself in so many different ways.
You might not even be aware you feel this way inside.
But I see this everywhere in many who have no idea they’re insecure at all.
In people pleasers who ignore their own needs, putting others’ needs first.
In overachievers and workaholics with a constant need to prove themselves.
I see it in those who don’t feel smart enough, pretty enough or compare themselves unfavourably to others all the time.
In those who don’t speak up at work, for fear of what others may think.
Or others with Imposter Syndrome who are convinced and afraid someone will find them out.
I recognise this in those who crave validation and approval all the time.
I see it in those paralysed by inaction, who procrastinate for fear of failure.
Fear of not being good enough
Why am I not good enough?
Did you know that from birth until seven years old an internal script is programmed into your subconscious mind?
It’s a time when you absorb both positive and negative messages and associate them with certain emotions.
For example, let’s say you come home with an A on your homework and your parents demand to know why you didn’t get an A+?
Instead of being proud of your achievement you might now associate that A grade with failure.
You’re not smart enough.
If that happened enough you might grow up to become an overachieving adult.
One who equates career success (unconsciously) with validation and approval.
A way to prove you are good enough.
If you were constantly compared to others, say your siblings, in a negative way you may grow up to feel you’re an imposter who never quite measures up.
You keep your head down, don’t voice your opinions.
You people please, putting others’ needs first.
Or you may underachieve and sabotage your life in a self-fulfilling-prophesy kind of way.
And what of the boy who is constantly told:
Man up! Stop being girly. Real boys don’t cry.
He may suppress his emotions until they fester inside. Like the guy who wrote to me yesterday might have done.
It’s not surprising to me that suicide is now the number one killer of men aged 20-49 in countries like Australia and the UK.
You see, many of our beliefs are formed in early years from what we see, hear and experience.
But we don’t always make the connection between limiting beliefs we learned as a child and the impact it has on us as adults.
The programming of your subconscious mind becomes the script that informs your life.
In adulthood, 95% of the time is spent in that subconscious programming.
If that script is a secret feeling you’re not good enough, then it will get in your way and you’ll never be the person you were born and deserve to be.
You are enough
You are good enough
You know what?
You are enough.
You are more than good enough.
You can rewrite this internal dialogue starting with acceptance there is no-one like you.
No one is doing better than you, because they aren’t you. You are unique.
Celebrate that about yourself.
Where you are today is exactly where you need to be on your individual life journey.
Even if you can’t see where the road ahead is leading you yet.
It’s not a race and there’s no point comparing.
Each of us needs to learn exactly what it is we need to grow.
The lessons will appear to us when we are ready to learn them.
It’s up to us to choose to listen to them.
Sometimes life will be challenging. If it wasn’t we’d never get to enjoy the highs as much as we do.
Try not to fear tough times.
You are stronger than you’ll ever know.
Instead of resisting challenges or fearing them, embrace them as an opportunity to learn.
The lesson that has come to you because you are ready to learn it and grow.
Don’t run from them or distract yourself (with work, drugs, alcohol or relationships) as a means to dull any pain.
Trust in the universe that everything will come good in the end, even if you can’t quite see how yet.
You just have to get through this hurdle, by taking one day at a time.
Lean in and take what baby steps you can today, instead of wallowing in self-pity and inaction.
You are good enough to try.
Show up for yourself.
Choose to take your power back and don’t get stuck in a victim mentality.
Most importantly of all, believe in yourself.
If you don’t then no-one else will.
Know you are good enough and deserve to dream big.
Have a clear vision of who you want to be and where you want to go.
That’s the first step towards achieving it.
What am I good at?
Whatever it is you believe you are and are passionate enough to put your whole heart and soul into it.
So what if you fail?
You fail, that’s it.
Let go of that fear. It’s a limiting belief that doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough if you do.
We all fail.
The only difference between you and those who succeed is they see failure as an opportunity to learn.
They’re the ones who pick themselves up and try again.
You don’t need approval if you’re to become unstoppable.
And you know those people you are comparing yourself to?
They’re secretly measuring themselves against you.
Forget about them.
They’re not your benchmark for success.
Be the best person you can be.
You’re only in a race against yourself.
Strive to be the champion you really are.
Start by knowing and believing you are enough. More than good enough. The rest will follow.
Oh, and you remember that guy I mentioned who wrote to me yesterday?
He knows this now.
And you know what he ended by telling me?
I never believed I could ever be this happy!
You know who you are my friend.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your lovely message.
You are beautiful inside and out.
Don’t ever doubt you deserve this happiness xx
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