Quit blaming others

Once your excuses are gone, you will simply have to settle for being awesome! – Lorii Myers

Making excuses: Stop the excuses!

I want to talk about two words that can really get in your way:

I’ve been thinking about these words as I know someone whose been in a really tough position of late.

She lost her job and has been out of work for a long time.  That’s been hard.  I understand she’s been dealt a difficult hand.

I’ve had times like that too.  When I just wanted to curl up into a ball and not deal with the world.   It’s depressing when life goes against you.

But she was shutting down completely and going into this sort of mode where she was paralysed and didn’t know what to do.

Making excuses

I kept suggesting little steps that she could take and every response I got was:

I can’t

I’d say, then how about this?:

I can’t because of (10 reasons why not)

What about trying that?:

I can’t (because of this). I can’t (because of that).

She had 20 reasons why she couldn’t do anything to help herself.  Making excuses.

It was as if she was sitting in this bubble waiting for the world to come and give her the answer and present the way out to her.

As I said, I’ve been in that position before and I know how paralysing it can feel.

I’ve had many failures in my life.  I had to close my dream production company during the financial crash and was left in debt.

Restarted my life as a young, single mother after an abusive relationship.  Didn’t know what to do and where to turn next.

There’s many situations in life – broken marriages, divorce, the loss of a job – that can leave you in this state of paralysis.

You go into this victim mentality where you feel trapped with no way out.

You feel:

I can’t

It’s awful, I know.  You just want to curl up in a ball and hide away and that’s it.  You make excuses to back up why you can’t.

But, it’s not going to get you out of that situation.  Nobody is going to come and rescue you.

Waiting for external events or forces to bring you happiness and make you feel better about yourself.

That’s just being a hostage to fortune and handing your power away.

Quit making excuses

Take your power back.

Instead of thinking:

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t

Think:

Try to stop thinking you can’t and finding the reasons to confirm why in your head.

I know my suggestions to my friend could have been wrong. I’m not saying my advice was right or that I even have the right to tell her what is best for her.  Only she knows that.

My point is you should try to say to yourself:

That ‘I can’t’ mentality isn’t going to help me.

It’s going to mean sitting and waiting, wallowing in negativity, for the world to solve your problems.

A better way of doing this is to say:

What can I do?

What are the steps I can take to change this?

It might be as little as replacing the thought:

I can’t get out of bed today

With:

Today I’m going to put my feet on the floor, get out of bed and put on some nice clothes and make up on to make me feel better

Yes, I can

Maybe, it’s a little as:

I can just go for a short walk today to get out of the house

Even little baby steps are a start.   Is there a friend you can call for support if you need it?

Is there a support group I could go to?  A self-help book I could read?

Just little steps to empower yourself.

One caveat: depression can be a serious mental illness.  If you have this then please do get professional help and support.

I’m not talking about clinical depression. I just mean those days when you just don’t want to face the day.

You can get this negative story looping in your head that says:

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t

Actions are important.

If you don’t feel like you are something, then act the part until you become it.

I want you to be successful and take action as though you are.  Dress for success, look smart.

Work on the best CV you can have.  Write out lists of companies you admire and who you might send them to.  Write another list the next day.  Whatever, take action.

Is there a part-time job you can take just to get me by until the dream one comes along?  Something local, that doesn’t mean a heavy commute.

Even if it’s not the job you’d normally want to do.  It’s just a means to an end.  Just working will make you more employable anyway.

If you can’t get a job, what other steps might you take?

Is there room in my house I can AirBnB to earn a little pocket money?

What friends might you ask if they know anyone who might help you?  Write them down, connect with them and ask.

Take action.  Don’t get in this bubble of paralysis.  Stop making excuses.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t get bogged down by the words ‘I can’t’. It’s a victim mentality. They add to your feeling of failure. Believe that ‘you can’.  ” username=”vivian_mcgrath”]

Failure is opportunity

I have failed so many times in my life.  The difference is I have picked myself back up every time and taken action.  One step, then another towards starting again, trying something different. Not making excuses.  Or pointing the blame.

What you learn from failure makes you better next time around.  Then when you fail again, you learn something different again.

The good news is my friend has since changed her mindset to ‘I can’.

She’s let go of the negative, got out of her paralysis and has taken some exciting new steps.  All because she decided she can.

Each little step has taken her to the next and now she’s a completely different person.   Her life is starting to change and it’s opening up new opportunities.

She’s not waiting for someone or something else to come and save her.   But, doing it for herself.  Taken her power back.

You can too.  It’s easier than you think.  Start with just two little words, you’ll be amazed at the difference it makes:

What steps are you taking to empower yourself to change?  Let me know in the comments below.