This is a love story. My love story.
This photo of me was taken 31 years ago.
In the years leading up to it, I had left a man who had almost killed me. I was a young, single mother. I was happy to be free from violence and content to be on my own with my beautiful baby. Then I met this guy. Or to be precise, my sister set me up with this guy. And my three sisters and I made a drunken pact (it was a long afternoon with a lot of Sangria) never to tell him. Unless of course, it was on our wedding day (I told you we were a bit drunk)!
I wasn’t used to kindness, or a man who was emotionally available to me. It scared me. I was used to chaos and drama. I needed it to mask how insecure I was inside. I tried to push him away at first, I guess to end it before he left me.
I remember him one day saying to me: ‘you know, I’m not going anywhere’. Slowly, I healed. Little by little I opened my heart to him. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and to trust again and he never hurt me.
I can remember how happy I felt on this day. I’ve still got that hat and I’ve still got the man!
We’ve had some ups and downs along the way. Everyone does. But we’ve grown closer and stronger over the years.
Our sons have had a good role model in him. They’ve grown up to become men who respect women. We broke the cycle of violence.
I now know what a healthy relationship is. What long-term love can be. Back when I was in the throes of an abusive relationship, I never thought my life would be another way. Or that I’d find happiness again.
Happy 29th Anniversary to my gorgeous husband, my best friend and the one who showed me what the word love really means.
There is life after abuse. I went from Victim to Survivor and you can too. It took me decades of heartache and a lot of work to do this. But you can start to do this within weeks.
Doors are now open to my START WITH ME: from Victim to Survivor online video course soon. I want to share my knowledge so that you can:
- recognise if you’re in an abusive relationship
- learn the tactics narcissists and abusive people use and how NOT to be manipulated by them
- assess your level of danger
- decide if the relationship’s good enough for you or if it’s time to leave.
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