Life is too short to settle for less

It wasn’t unexpected because she was 98, but she wasn’t in a nursing home. She was in great form.

But she died very suddenly.

Anyone who’s lost their mother will know what I’m talking about.

My beautiful daughter in law, who’s 30 just had a double mastectomy and her second reconstruction surgery out of three.

Having had aggressive breast cancer.

She’s doing well and she’s gonna be okay.

But, it’s these things that bring it home:

Life is too short.

So many of you are staying in abusive relationships.

You’re trying to fix abusive relationships.

You’re saying to me:

Will he (or she) ever change you?

Or:

I think he is going to change this time.

Or your convinced they’re right when they say to you:

No one’s going to love me like I do.

And you just don’t realize you’re good enough.

You’re worthy and better than this.

Aren’t you tired of being the perfect wife or girlfriend yet never getting anything in return and never being loved the way you deserve?

Aren’t you tired of always walking on eggshells?

And thinking:

If I behave this way, then maybe they’ll be happy.

If I behave that way, then maybe I can fix this.

Are you tired of people pleasing and always being a doormat and putting everyone needs first?

And coming up empty every time?

Are you tired of waking up feeling alone?

And feeling so alone, even though they’re in the bed next to you?

Are you tired of feeling frightened of ending up alone, thinking:

Is it too late for me?

Am I ever going to find love again?

I want you to seize the day today and say:

Life is too short to settle for less than I deserve.

One small step to doing that is to do an audit of your life.

Look around you.

Look at your friends, your family.

Look at your relationships.

Look at colleagues at work.

And say to yourself:

What in my life is serving me?

Who in my life is bringing out the best in me and I in them?

Who is treating me the way I deserve to be?

Are you treating yourself badly by beating yourself up all the time with your inner voice?

Is it criticising you?  Telling you you’re fat and ugly? 

As we go into the New Year start to think:

Who can I let go of who hurts me?

What can I do that serves me better?

For example, if you people-please all the time, that is one thing you can start to work on to try to change.

It’s not serving you.

You never know what’s around the corner.

You could get breast cancer tomorrow.

You, like my mother, could pass away tomorrow.

We all can.

So, remember that life is too short to settle for anything less than you deserve.

You deserve better than this.

You’re worth more than this.

The only thing stopping you from having a life in which you are happy within, with or without a man (or woman), is you.

You deserve to be you again and not walk on eggshells anymore.

To laugh again.  Wouldn’t you like to do that?

Do you remember what that’s like?

You’re worth more than being a doormat.

You’re worth people caring enough to say how are you, rather than expecting you to look after them all the time.

Remember, life’s too short to keep pleasing others at the expense of yourself.

Even if you have to let friends go.

Sometimes we do have to let friends go because we outgrow friendships or we give everything and get nothing in return.

Sometimes, even with family members, we have to minimise contact because they hurt us.

A lot of you have written to me about toxic relationships in your families after I did a video on daughters of narcissistic mothers and told me you’ve had to do this.

Look after yourself and put your needs first.

And have me in your head whenever you start people pleasing, are walking on eggshells and when you’re settling for second best and less than you deserve.

Remember what I say:

Life is too short.

Do I need this sh*t?

No!