My 5 tips to finding happiness and staying happy
Finding happiness.
A couple of people in my Unbeatable community have asked me to write a positive post about this.
How to be happy. But, without it involving career, or being in love.
I love a challenge!
[bctt tweet=”The most powerful position to be in is finding happiness within. ” username=”beingunbeatable”]
Your moods and behaviour are unaffected by that of anyone or anything else. Life is so much calmer that way.
It doesn’t mean you don’t get down every now and again. I do.
But on the whole, I am able to choose how I respond to the outside world now.
I can either let negative stuff affect me, or I can rise above it and nurture myself a little more to get through it.
So how do I do this?
How to find happiness within yourself
I can’t stress enough how working on self love and self esteem is the number one most important priority of all. Everything stems from that.
A strong sense of self esteem is the protective armour you need to gird yourself against people who hurt you.
I’ve gone on a lot about that elsewhere. For now though, I’ll get back to other tips and tricks I use to be happy and maintain my serenity.
Key to happiness. Secret to a happy life
1. Surround yourself with positive people.
The 5 closest people you have around you will tell you a lot about what you. With them you can be happy or sucked of your energy.
What type of friends are yours?
Are they people who enhance you? Support you and lift you up? Encourage you to become your best self?
Or, are they energy suckers? People who lean on you, who need you more than you need them? Do they emotionally drain you?
One of the most liberating things I’ve learned is:
[bctt tweet=”It doesn’t matter if some people don’t like you. Just as long as those who matter to you most do. ” username=”beingunbeatable”]
You may only have a handful or people you can call true friends. If they bring out the best in you, love you unconditionally and support you, that’s all you need. You can be happy.
Wasting your time trying to hang on to a friendship or relationship that sucks you dry, isn’t worth it.
Don’t be a people pleaser. Living in fear of others not liking you. It will only hurt you in the end. It won’t lead to happiness long term.
2. Ignore your critical inner voice.
One of the biggest obstacles to us being happy, finding happiness within is ourselves. Or more precisely, that inner voice that harps on at us in a negative way.
‘You look so fat in that’
‘You are ugly’
‘You’re stupid, why did you say that?’
Ignore it.
It has no idea what it’s talking about.
Our inner voice is just telling us a story. It doesn’t mean it’s true. You can rewrite your story to a more positive one. This is how I did this.
It goes back to self love and self esteem. Give yourself a break.
Call it out every time you hear it. Replace it with a positive line. The more you practice it, the better at it you get.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. And remember, we all feel this way.
3. Ask yourself these 3 questions every day
I read a lovely article once about a couple who asked their children three questions every day.
I would suggest you do the same, no matter what kind of day you have.
How were you brave today?
Bravery can involve even the smallest acts. Learning to say no and doing so for once, for example. Instead of saying yes, when you don’t really want to.
Facing your fear of confrontation. Being brave enough to stand your ground with assertiveness, not passively or with aggression.
Setting a healthier boundary and then setting the next one. And the next one, will make a difference to your life. It will lead to a happier one.
How were you kind?
Often what we don’t like in others, is something we don’t like about ourselves.
People can mirror us. Reflect our own flaws back to us. Although we may not realise this at the time.
Rather than focusing on others. Obsessing over how they should change their behaviour to make you happy. It’s far healthier to take an inventory of your own.
You can’t change anyone else. You can only change you. So stop trying.
Are you critical of others? Negative about them? Always gossiping at their expense behind their back?
Do you think you know better than them about the steps they’re taking in their lives?
Those who live in glass houses should never cast stones.
Instead, walk a straight, honest line. Focus on you and your own behaviour.
Be kind, good to others and true to your authentic values and beliefs. Watch how much a difference that makes.
Kindness begets kindness. Like attracts like.
You may still attract someone who is unkind or treats you unfairly. But, you’ll also know this insults your core values about how we should treat one another.
You can then choose to walk away.
How did you fail?
Failure is not something to fear. As Oprah Winfrey once said:
There are no mistakes in life. Only lessons.
I have had some spectacular failures in my life. Ending up almost murdered at 7 months pregnant, by the man I loved was one of them.
The failure of my dream TV production company was another.
I have had many times in my life curled up in a ball in tears on my bed.
I am perversely grateful for those failures today. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. As long as you use those failures to learn something new about yourself.
What role did you play in them? How can you improve yourself to ensure you don’t make the same bad choices next time?
If you failed in others ways. Said something you regret. Did something stupid.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Learn from it.
Tomorrow is another day.
The more you learn about yourself, the stronger you become.
The stronger you are, the more self love can grow.
It’s a positive cycle that spins towards greater happiness in your life. If you approach failure with this perspective.
4. Bring something new to the cave every day
Happy married life
My husband and I have been together now more than 30 years. We’re not one of those couples you see who go out to dinner and sit there in silence.
We always have things to talk about.
That’s because we are fascinated by the world, we love to keep learning. We read newspapers, listen to the latest Top 10 music tracks.
We watch the latest shows everyone’s talking about on Netflix. Explore podcasts.
I get great joy out of crime-based podcasts. If you still haven’t listened to Serial or The Teacher’s Pet, I highly recommend them!
Keep educating yourself, be interested, stay in touch.
A friend of mine once said to me that couples should ‘bring something new to the cave every day’.
We’re the same. When my husband comes home, I might tell him of the latest article I’ve read. He’ll show me something creative and interesting he’s spotted on Instagram.
Not only does this keep our relationship fresh. It stops us becoming middle-aged Luddites, left behind by the rapid advance of technology.
This ‘bring something new to the cave’ policy is not just about relationships. It’s great for keeping friendships fresh too.
Learning something new, stimulating my mind keeps me feeling alive. In touch with the world. Better able to connect with others, which brings happiness in itself.
I can fit in with people half my age as easily as I can with my peers. When they talk about the latest APP or music they’re into, I know exactly what they’re going on about. I can sing along with them and know every word.
You are only as young as you feel. Keep reinventing, refreshing, reinvigorating your mind and horizons. It works a treat.
5. Do things that scare and challenge you
Every year after New Years Eve I write down a list of at least 3 things I want to achieve in the year to come.
It might be a financial goal or work related goal. But, I also make sure to include in this list something that scares me or challenges me.
It’s also part of my ‘use it or lose it’ philosophy. If we’re not stretching our bodies and minds, we’ll atrophy.
One year it was learning to horse ride. Another year learning to speak Mandarin and passing an exam in Chinese characters. Yet another was running a half marathon. I’ve achieved them all.
They could be anything. If you loathe your body, why not try being a nude artist’s model some time? If you’re afraid of heights, climb the tallest building and check out the view.
Dare yourself to take leaps into the unknown. That’s where the greatest opportunities for growth are.
The easiest way is to break down what scares you.
I didn’t just get up and run a half marathon. I started with a never-ever-having-run-before-in-my-entire-life Couch Potato to first 5km plan.
Little by little, day by day I got better. Until one day I ran over that finishing line.
I was so bloody proud of myself that day. I haven’t stopped running since.
Tell yourself: What’s the worst that can happen?
Chances are it’s never as big or a scary as it is in your head.
Besides, as soon as you confront fears, they melt away.
How to live a happy life
So, there you have it. My tips on how to be happy. Without love or career.
Be good to yourself. Be kind.
Dare to challenge yourself, reinvent.
Love life and whatever you do, throw yourself into it, even if it scares you.
Let me know any tricks you use to try to stay happy in the comments below. Or, if you try any of mine, let me know how you got on.
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