Doubting myself. Overcoming doubt

I was having this week where I kept thinking:

What am I doing? What am I doing this for? I don’t really know what I’m doing!

That maybe I should go back to my day job, my job in television, and earn lots of money again.

And wow, it’s a monster.  Self-doubt.

Self-doubt

One thing’s for sure: self-doubt doesn’t serve you.

I knew that and I can rationalize it.

But still, the monster was creeping up in my head.

The first thing to do is to see it for what it is, a monster.

If you let self-doubt grow it will just get bigger and bigger and start to cripple you.

Self-doubt stops you leaning into fear and seizing opportunities because you think:

What if this happens?  What if that happens?

You become paralyzed with fear.

Self-doubt stops you from reaching your full potential because you become afraid of taking those opportunities that could lead to amazing things in your life.

And – if you could just stop doubting, stop questioning things, stop fearing – might take you to the most amazing places.

Overcoming self-doubt

The most important thing to do is call it out.

See it for that monster it is and say to yourself, this is not serving me.

I am not going to get give in to this pity party of self-doubt, because that’s what it is.

It’s a little bit feeling sorry for yourself.

Thinking:

I’m not good enough.  I can’t do this because blah, blah.

Pity. Party.

Forget it. Call it out. It’s an ugly monster. It’s not serving.

Just say to yourself:

You are not serving me.

Call that voice out in your head. That negative voice.

Talk to somebody about it.

I said to my mate:

I’m just feeling so much doubt about what I am doing.

I’m questioning myself and I’m not sure why

Once you voice your fears, they are not allowed to bubble up and become bigger anymore.

Because in a way, this monster is you.

You’re just calling your own voice out.

Voicing your fears makes them go away.  You stop that festering.

You stop that monster growing.

Self-doubt is also often about comparing yourself to others.

You think:

Look at that person. They’re more successful than I am.

Why aren’t I like them?

I’m working harder than they are.

Why don’t I measure up to them?

But you don’t know those people you compare yourself to really.

You have no idea what they’re going through in their life.

No idea what it’s taken them to achieve what they’ve achieved.

We all have stories. We all have hardships. We all have challenges.

If you only knew half of that person’s struggles you’d probably realize they’re struggling with the same self-doubt as you.

Don’t compare yourself. You’re not in a race.

You’re only in a race against yourself.

Overcoming fear and doubt

The best thing to do is to look at yourself, look at all your strengths.

Write them down.

You might want to focus on your weaknesses. But what about your strengths?

What are all the amazing things that you have achieved and are achieving?

Look at those and celebrate those wins.

They might even just be tiny, little wins.

But think about:

What did I do that was great today?

I achieved that.

Well, that’s a win.

That’s great.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Stop focusing on the stuff you think is your weakness.

That’s what I was doing.

Looking at that person doing similar things to what I’m trying to achieve.

I was thinking:

Why did they do it so effortlessly and become way more successful at it than me?

This is just not serving you.

So, celebrate your wins.

Today I’m gonna celebrate the fact that so many of you have written to me and said:

Keep making these videos, you’re making a difference.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I will. And I thank you too.

I’m celebrating now.

I’m going to stop doubting and being hard on myself thinking  I’m not getting to where I want to get fast enough.

There is only one of me.

I can’t do everything I want to do at once.

So, I’m just going to celebrate my little wins instead.

I want you to do that too.

Woman celebrating her goals. Winning concept.

Celebrate your successes, the little achievements you are making.

Look at your strengths.

You might not realize what they are because they come so easily to you that you think:

Everyone can do that. So therefore, it’s not a strength.

What do your friends tell you?

What do they say you are great at?

The things you keep responding to them by saying:

No, I’m not. Not really.

Well, they are the things that you are great at.

They might come easily to you but they don’t to everybody else.

So, therefore it is a strength.

Look at your strengths. Celebrate your strengths.

Don’t focus on and see your weaknesses as failures.

Self-doubt anxiety

And when you have self-doubt about things you feel you’ve failed at bear this in mind:

They’re not a failure because failure is an amazing opportunity to learn about yourself and do better next time.

Stop thinking about the doubts that you have, which often are a fear of failure.

Let’s face it.

What if you fail?

It doesn’t matter because you do can better next time.

If you hadn’t had that little failure, you wouldn’t have worked out the way not to do it and how you can do it better next time.

If you have a fear of failure, then you’re never going to lean in and seize opportunities.

You won’t even get onto the starting block.

So why not think this:

What’s the worst that can happen?

Ask yourself that.  What is the worst that can happen?

You’re most likely not going to die.

You’re not going to end up out on the streets.

What’s the worst that can happen?

You might fall short of what you were hoping to do.

You might look like a bit of an idiot.

But so what?

If you do, you can just say to yourself:

Well, that wasn’t quite the way to do it!

I can just do it better next time.

Here’s what I know.

Other people don’t look at you as though you are are an idiot.

When you think you do, they see you as stepping out.

Seizing opportunities.

Leaning into fear is courageous.

And if you fail they’ll look upon with envy thinking:

Wow. What they were trying to do is amazing!

I wish I had the guts to try.

Those who lean into fear are even more amazing because they’re not getting stuck in self-doubt and wallowing in pity.

They’re not feeling like a failure but out there trying to do it all over again and they’re doing it even better.

That fear of failure.  Forget about it.

Failure is your opportunity to become even more successful and grow.

And if your self-doubts are about what other people think and say, well, firstly, a lot of that is probably going on in your head anyway.

They’re probably not criticizing you or thinking you’re as stupid as you think you are.

But if they are and you’re getting a barrage of criticism.

If you’re with somebody who is stirring up that self-doubt in you, then maybe you should question that relationship.

I was in an abusive relationship in which I was gaslighted by my ex a lot.

He’d say:

You’re exaggerating that. You’re making it up.

You’re lying.

Telling me what I was believing and seeing was wrong.

I’ve done another video on that which you can find here.

In a situation like that, yes, it is very easy to doubt yourself.

And when you leave that relationship and they hoover you back in, yes, they want you to doubt yourself.

The more you doubt yourself, the more they can blame you for their behavior and actions.

The more they can keep you on eggshells and destabilize you, the longer than keep control over you.

So, there is a legitimate self-doubt that is caused by somebody else.

If your self-doubt is in a way orchestrated and manipulated by another person then I would reassess that relationship.

A relationship in which you are doubting yourself is not being true to you.

That self-doubt is being used as a way to control you.

That is not serving you either.

It is not a road to a happy, successful life.

Overcoming doubt at work

If you’re in a workplace with somebody who is constantly criticizing you or faulting you, instead of doubting yourself, perhaps confront them with that.

I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t agree with you

That will stop them in their tracks.

You’re not arguing.

You’re not being aggressive, but you’re calling them out and not letting their opinions or judgments get inside your head.

Their behavior says more about how they feel about themselves.

It could be driven by self-loathing on their part and they’re jealous of how capable and successful you are.

So, the only way they can feel good about themselves is to tear you down a peg.

That could be a scenario that is aimed at making you doubt yourself.

Don’t let that self-doubt in your head.

Let them own their feelings and beliefs instead.

I’m sorry you feel that way, but I don’t agree.

I hope these strategies will help you eliminate self-doubt and get rid of fear.

As I said, self-doubt doesn’t serve you.

Self-doubt comes from a fear of failure.

It comes from comparing yourself to others and not thinking you measure up.

It comes from that voice inside your head that just gets in your own way.

These are just self-limiting beliefs.

Pat yourself on the back for all your strengths and celebrate even the smallest of achievements.

Don’t wallow in pity and self-doubt.

Focus on what you are achieving, what you are great at, and reassess relationships.

If you feel someone is fostering that monster of self-doubt inside you then ask yourself:

Is this relationship enhancing my life?

Bringing out the best in me, making my life happy and joyous?

If not and instead it’s a relationship that is building that monster in your head, then perhaps it’s time to walk away and focus on you instead?

If it’s a colleague at work, then just have strong boundaries and call them out.

If this is helpful and you want to go deeper with me, you can find out more about how to work with me.