Domestic violence statistics are bad. I know that. But I’m in shock. What I’ve just read has chilled me to the bone. Had I not left my violent ex I would almost certainly now be dead.
I’m one of the four women who experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. I know that already. And I know how close I came to being murdered. No-one needs to tell me that. Their partners or ex-partners kill 2 women per week. The fear I had that day was visceral.
When I was 22 and seven months pregnant my ex went into a crazed and uncontrollable rage. He smashed everything in sight. Then wrapped his hands around my throat and squeezed as tightly as he could. The last words I thought I would ever hear were: ‘Die you c***, die!’ The last face, that of someone I loved with cold, black, murderous eyes. As the white tunnel of light closed in around me, I thought: ‘so, this is how my life ends!’
I came to as he dragged me across the broken glass that cut into my body. Somehow, I later managed to escape and ran for my life.
An organisation called Street Smart Women has been sharing my posts on Twitter. I now want to share one of their tweets and it’s shaken me to the core:
Of those 1 in 4 woman who experience intimate partner violence, 10% will experience near-fatal strangulation. Read: there are many other victims who have experienced the same fear of homicide as me.
Loss of consciousness can occur within 5-10 seconds. Wow! That visceral fear I was about to die made it feel much longer to me.
Death can occur within minutes. Yes, I’m aware of that too. That is how close I came.
But what has shocked me most is this:
The odds for homicide increases by 750% for victims who have experienced strangulation before. Compared with those who haven’t.
I’ve already talked about how hard it is to leave a violent man. It takes a domestic abuse victim on average 7 times to leave their abuser.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I went back to my Ex after he strangled me. Even though I now knew he had the power and will to kill me. Such was the hold he had over me.
And now I read that my odds of death at his hands went up by 750% right then and there. With those statistics, I should be dead.
Since starting this blog I have been engaging with many people online. Sadly, there are way too many other victims like me (both men and women), who are experiencing violence at the hands of their partner. Or have done so in the past. In some cases, they’re still with an abuser who has strangled them before.
I have heard more than a few ask the same question: ‘how do I even know I’m in an abusive relationship?’ One, even despite having described an episode of strangulation by her partner.
So, please, please take heed:
- Emotional abuse is a huge red flag that physical violence may follow. Don’t ignore the warning signs like I did.
- If you are experiencing physical violence, get help to get out while you can.
- If strangulation has happened to you, the odds for homicide increase by 750%. You are at severe risk of becoming one of the 2 women per week (3 in the USA) murdered by their partner or Ex.
I am so lucky to be alive today. And this has made me even more resolved to speak out.
Leaving a violent man was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But with help, I did and I promise, you can too.
I’ll keep saying this over and over again. I am proof there is life after abuse. Love is not worth dying for.
Are you as shocked as I am by these statistics? Let me know in the comments below.
If you need further help or counselling, please refer to the following (or the equivalent in your country):
AUSTRALIA:
1800Respect: 0800 737 732 https://www.1800respect.org.au
Lifeline: 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au
UK:
National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service 020 3866 4107 http://paladinservice.co.uk
US:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 http://www.thehotline.org
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